Explanations
by kepulver
Summary: Duke and Tunnel Rat have a talk... Set in Sigma 6 Continuity


**Title: Explanations**  
**Fandom: GI Joe: Sigma 6**  
**Pairing, etc: N/A**  
**Prompt: 083 And**  
**Word Count: approximately 715 words**  
**Rating: PG-13**  
**Author's Notes: **Fic is based off a routine I started doing for some friends of mine; the cricket recipe Tunnel Rat gives is based off information about how crickets and other insects are served in Cambodia. No insult, defamation or endorsement is intended either implictly or explicity by mentioning PetSmart or Fred Meyer (who may, for all I know, sell crickets). Tunnel Rat's views on grocery shopping do not represent the views of management. Originally written for Fanfiction 100 Live Journal Challenge Community

**Explanations:**

Duke looked up as Tunnel Rat stepped into his office. Judging by the sheepish and almost goofy grin on Tunnel Rat's face, he knew he was in trouble and was trying to disarm Duke by appearing harmless.

_Fat chance. _

"Duke! How's it goin'?" Tunnel Rat's grin widened a couple notches. _He smiles any wider the top of his head is going to fall off. _

"Tunnel Rat," he said, motioning to a seat. "We need to talk."

The grin faltered. "Duke, I can totally explain."

"I should hope so," Duke said. "Care to start?"

"Okay, sure." Tunnel Rat began pacing back and forth. "See, I was grocery shoppin'..."

"At PetSmart?"

Tunnel Rat paused and nodded. "Yeah, Fred Meyer's don't sell crickets, y'know?"

"I see," said Duke. _Though I wish I didn't._ "You were buying crickets."

"Right, 'cause they sell 'em really cheap there too, y'know? Like ten cents a cricket. An' if you get 'em when they're babies, you can bring 'em home and raise 'em an' eat 'em when they get big enough -- kinda like lobsters, only not so pinchy." Tunnel Rat continued, seemingly without pausing for air. "They're really good if you flash fry 'em with garlic an' salt an' you can eat 'em like popcorn. Well, not exactly 'cause they're a lot crunchier. I tried 'em with curry powder too an' that's pretty good. My sister, she likes 'em with chocolate but that really just disguises th' cricket flavor an'..."

"Tunnel Rat," Duke said, holding up a hand. "We can trade recipes later. Get back to the point, _please._"

"Sure, Duke," Tunnel Rat said, looking at him with wounded innocence. "So, I'm at PetSmart buyin' my crickets an' they're over in th' reptile section by th' fish. An' I was lookin' around t'see if they had any snakes but th' ones they had were pretty small an' I figured they'd be too high maintenance for what I'd get out of 'em so..."

"Tunnel Rat...I remember when we started this conversation," Duke said, rubbing his temples and fighting the urge to fling his paperweight at Tunnel Rat's head. "And I'd like to live to see it end."

"_So_," Tunnel Rat said. "I moved over to the cricket cage an' just kinda waited for an associate t'show up. An' that's when I saw her."

"Her?" Duke glanced down at a paper on his desk. "That would be one Miss Judy Rodriquez? The young woman who contacted the base this afternoon?"

"Yeah, her," Tunnel Rat said. "She's th' sales associate for th' fish an' reptile area. She came over an' asked me if I needed anything." Tunnel Rat paused and sighed. "Oh Duke...you shoulda seen her."

Duke braced himself. "Go on..."

Tunnel Rat's expression was best described as beatific. "She had this long black hair an' these big brown eyes an'

well...let's just say th' Ya-Ya Sisterhood was divine an' I wouldn'ta minded learnin' their secrets, if y'know what I mean."

"Unfortunately, yes," Duke said. "Moving on, _please._"

"Okay, so I ask her for some crickets, like...three dozen I think it was an' she says "Wow, that's a lotta crickets; you must have a hungry snake" 'cause she saw me lookin' at th' snakes. An' I don't wanna tell her exactly why I'm gettin' th' crickets 'cause PetSmart, they kinda frown on you eatin' th' animals they sell, y'know? Which is dumb, 'cause they got no problem with you feedin' th' crickets to a lizard, but...," Tunnel Rat frowned at him. "You don't gotta look at me like that, I'm gettin' on with it! Geeze, Duke! You really know how to hurt a guy!"

"You have no idea, Tunnel Rat," Duke eyed his paperweight significantly, even reaching out to rest his hand on it, feeling the solid weight of the sliced open geode. _If I hit him in the jaw, he'd be unable to talk for what? Six, seven weeks at least?_ Reluctantly, he moved his hand back.

"Soooo, she asks me about my pet snake an' I figure...y'know, I'd play along a little and I said yeah, I got a snake. And she asks me if it's a big one an' have I had it a long time an' I say oh yeah, it's huge an' I had it all my life. An' I figure she's gettin' my meanin', y'know?"

Duke winced. "Oh God...then what happened?"

"She asked if she could see it some time and I said sure!"

"And?"

"And...uh, let's just say that's why I can't go back to PetSmart anymore -- we don't have to tell Hawk about this, do we?"


End file.
